PROOF: There is no god.

A lot of time has passed from our original article on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008, and I can assure you a lot has changed. Pam Babcock, who may be better off forgetting the story that made her famous, is back in the news, and not for the reasons the public would hope. No she did not grow around a toilet again; in fact she was released from a hospital after a few months of treatment.

The reason she was in the news was because of her pathetic let-my-girl-live-in-the-bathroom-for-two-years boyfriend Kory McFarren. He received probation for the incident, but again this is not why we bring the couple up.



You see… Kory McFarren proved there is no god. How is this possible? Not only did this douche bag win the lottery. He did it twice. According to the AP article (click here), “A Kansas man whose girlfriend was physically stuck to the toilet in their home wins $20,000 in the state Lottery, for the second time this year. Kory McFarren cashed in his winning $2 Bonus Crossword ticket…”





Thank you, Kory. We were all wondering what happens in the afterlife. Now we know. Nothing.

-barry

They picked a Morrissey song? Seriously?

‘Everyday is like Sunday”…..After The Smiths broke up, Morrissey moved into a solo career and sang this song about, well what all of Morrissey’s songs are about… life being miserable and just trudging along to the finish line. God, is it any wonder that his music was the anthem for teen angst in the 80’s? I believe it's also quite popular with the closeted Mexican youth of today (I read this in Esquire). I'm not judging... well, I might be, but that’s a different story. I suppose it shouldn’t be shocking, I mean, he is talented. He is just mostly depressing. I still have Smiths songs on my computer, so I guess I’m just pointing out the obvious. I don’t know. I didn’t really write this to bash Morrissey; I guess I still like him. I have been humming the song to myself for a couple of weeks now, so it’s not that I think its crap, but that brings me to my point……


For those of you that live in caves and aren’t aware, the NFL season started a few weeks ago. Needless to say there are endless commercials on Fox, CBS, ESPN, etc for the NFL, and specifically the NFL Network. The NFL Network is a channel owned and operated by the National Football League. I didn’t think this channel had a chance. I was wrong. Anyway, they are pimping the channel everywhere they can… the ‘theme’ song for the channel??? Yes, its Morrissey’s ‘Everyday is Like Sunday’. I was… ummmmm… confused? I don’t know what I thought when I heard it. It’s ridiculous. Granted, they only sing the part where he says ‘Everyday is Like Sunday’ and I get that, but the song actually isn’t saying that Sunday is a good thing… he is saying that Sundays suck… and that is how everyday feels to him. Not exactly the message they are going for, right?


With that said, I have a few issues:
1. Morrissey/Smiths fans aren’t really the demo they are going for, are they? I hope not…because I don’t think that would work out well. From what I remember, the vast majority of Morrissey fans like to sit around and talk about how the world is pointless. I can’t see them wearing cheeseheads or carrying D-Fence signs.
2. If they aren’t going for that demo and they just liked the line of the song… was this like a joke by the advertising company that pitched the idea? A bunch of ad guys in their mid 30’s that got picked on by the jocks in high school, said ‘We can TOTALLY win now, let’s make the f-ing SONG of the NFL a Morrissey song!’ So they went to the very guys that stuffed them in lockers and dropped this on them… and it wasn’t Motley Crue or Zeppelin so they had no idea. If this it what happened, that would probably be the greatest thing ever in the history of advertising.
3. Morrissey was such an anti establishment bitch in his heyday, has he finally turned to the darkside and starting selling his songs for commercial use (and legitimate profit)? I think that makes me sad on some level (we will call this level, annoying teen Buford)…but, on the other hand I am all about making as much money as you can (grown up Buford). I don’t believe in artistic integrity. I mean, he wrote the song and it became popular 20 years ago… its not like HE changed the meaning. That was done by some slick ad execs on Madison Avenue. I don’t know though, I figured he was destined to be just a cult icon… and not a corporate slut. I guess this proves that ‘selling out’ is inevitable if you want to continue on in that business. This is something that should be pointed out to all the stupid emo kids that make me want to homeschool my children.

I just can't see these guys listening to 'Louder than Bombs', can you?

Buford

Barry Watched the 60th Emmy Awards

I noticed a few things about the Emmys that I wanted to share. Sure it’s not an eloquent opening, but I really don’t care.

Side note: I really wanted to edit out the accidental rhyme, but part of the beauty of the WO is the willingness of it’s contributors to jump on the grenade or perhaps under the bus. I should be slapped for that rhyme. I’m just going to let it sit there, and torture myself with it. I really really do hate it. Anyway back to the blog.

Tina Fey is up first. What can one say about Tina? Ms. Fey is hot, smart, funny and just an all around perfect woman. Can people please stop comparing her to Sarah Palin? After all Sarah Palin is none of the above. Why? Have you ever heard Palin during an interview? Not a speech prepared by a team of people trained to shape her image. I’m talking about a legit interview. I honestly think my dog is smarter than her. Tina Fey is amazing. Sarah Palin is a governor of a state no one cares about. Stop the comparisons.



Moving on…. It’s time to scold the Emmy writers. Oscars, Grammys, Mtv Whatever Awards, etc… please take note. You can’t write. You unfunny C’s ruin everything. Why do you torture us year after year with your flat humor? I blame Sean Penn. Sean… Chris Rock was hilarious. Maybe because you don’t have a sense of humor you have to go and be an ass, but don’t ruin it for the rest of us. Same goes to Jordan Sparks. Jordan, no one cares about your opinion. You snaked a career via an ‘effin reality show. So the Jonas Brothers wear promise rings, and someone made fun of them. Big deal. I think the more humorous aspect of the Jonas Brothers wearing promise rings is the fact that they can have almost any girl now, but by the time they’re ready to get busy… their record will be in the 99cent bin and no one would ever consider ‘effing them. Especially now that we realize they can’t defend themselves, and need Jordan Sparks to stand up for them.

Along the same lines, who likes Josh Groban? Seriously? Can someone please make this over dramatic ass stop? Please?

Sorry… back to the writers. You all suck. Give your paychecks back now. You are a disgrace to every writer that was on strike last year.

Finally (and the main reason for this post), the WO’s dreams almost came true. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Hayden Panettiere present an award together. Well that may not be entirely accurate. The dream is to be in a Hewitt-Panettiere sandwich, but lets put that aside for now (perhaps that’s a whole other blog post). Amanda Beckett and Claire Bennet on stage at the same time? Be still my heart. Finally award shows seem to be throwing straight males a bone. It was a beautiful moment, and I nearly cried out of joy. What award did they announce? No clue. All I heard at that moment where birds and choirs of angels. Buford felt the same way, considering it was mentioned in the first email he sent me Monday. The WO thanks the Emmys for that. It was truly the only way to celebrate the 60th anniversary.

~barry

Questions/Comments? You know where to reach us.

WHAT????

WHICH hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital - and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut….

I read this in the NY Post this week. I hate blind items…but, I really love them too. They give you JUST enough to make you think you can figure it out, but you can’t. Anyway, this one is killing me. Seriously, just read it again!

I know we don’t get comments much on the WO (which is a shame…Barry and Speed are actually drinking more because of it..good job!) Help us out here. Who could this possibly be?

Here is what we know:

• Summer movie
• Hunk
• Closet case
• Can afford (at least) a half million payoff amount.

I know it’s not a ton to go on, but it’s a start. Here is the work I have done:

List of summer movies starring ‘hunks’ (as per the US Weekly definition, of course)

Iron Man – Robert Downey Jr (Is he a ‘hunk’ capable of hospital like violence? I just don’t see it. If anything, Robert is a bottom.)

Speed Racer – Emile Hirsh (Ummm……never mind.)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Shia LaBeouf (Drinks a ton, gets in trouble often, takes REALLY awkward pictures. Can he bring the pain? That is the question)

The Incredible Hulk – Ed Norton (A little payback for the American History X scene? Maybe, but doubtful.)

The Dark Knight – Christian Bale (He beat up his mom and sister over talking shit about his wife. Hate f-ing a secret boyfriend doesn’t seem too far fetched, now does it?)

The Mummy 3 – Brendan Fraser (He is that All American guy, wife and kids, the whole nine….I could see him wanting to keep a secret…plus, I think he can kick some ass if necessary)

Granted, I only took the stars out of a few of the bigger films, it could be anyone in any of the films this summer. The only thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is….it definitely wasn’t Heath Ledger….Too soon? Ehhh…..I tried.

Who is the Hollywood Hunk??????

-Buford

Mila Kunis is Hot in Any Position

It’s not secret the WO loves Mila Kunis. Shocking? We know. Yes, she’s one of the hottest Ukrainians you’ll ever see. Oddly enough, she’s one of the few WO List girls, whose significant other we (at least some of us) approve of. Macaulay Culkin was pimp in Party Monster and Saved!. Not the point. We love Mila. This is where we shout out Complex Magazine. I read it, so I approve. Perusing their website I came across this picture.




I’m not quite sure what the photographer was going for with it. She’s hot as always, but is she about to take a piss? I've seen girls in that position before... in various places. Look at the way the dress is getting hiked up. I’m just saying. Not that I’d kick Mila out of my backyard for taking a leak, but still… I’m not too sure this is the shot I would have taken if I was the photographer. I don’t know, perhaps it’s just me… I just needed to share with someone. If it is a picture of her about to take a leak, I'll fully admit that I've never seen a girl look that good while in the process. That is all. I'll stop before I'm ashamed of myself.

~Barry

Women Sits on Toilet for 2 Years... WTF?!?!?

A wise person once said, “Love knows no bounds.” Who said it? I’m not sure. Are they really that wise? Not in my opinion. But time and time again we come across stories that pretty much make us say “wtf?” Like this one for example: LINK HERE

Now I shouldn’t have to tell you about the woman from Ness City, Kansas, who sat on the toilet for two years. Her boyfriend apparently brought her water and food during this time, and finally decided to call the authorities to help her out. Her skin grew around the toilet seat, so badly that they pried off the seat and it went with her to the hospital. She was found with her sweatpants at mid-thigh, and she didn’t want to leave the toilet. PD said that her legs looked atrophied.

Does this fit into the agoraphobia realm? I don’t know. I’m not a psychologist, but if there was ever a “safe place” it may be the bathroom. But sitting on the toilet for two years? I just don’t get it.

When I first heard this story I really wanted a picture of these messes. If anyone has one, I’d be glad to take a look. Feel free to email us (worthlessops@gmail.com). The image that popped in my head almost automatically was that of Bonnie Grape, with a toilet seat embedded in her rear. While poor Johnny Depp (Gilbert Grape) reinforced the floor underneath. Screaming as the Sherriff Dept was pulling her out of the house.

“Give me back my toilet Jerry! Jerry! Give me back my toilet!”

Oh the imagery alone makes me chuckle, and I don’t mean to make fun of the mentally ill. I assume that’s what she is, because who sits on the pot for two years?!?! I think the bigger issue lies with the 36yo boyfriend. Did he cater to her besides food and water? Did he set up a TV in the bathroom, so she could watch Maury find out who is not the baby’s father? Did he give her a sponge bath on the toilet, or was she close enough to the sink that she could do it herself from her throne? Did he change her sweatpants for her? How can you afford to live on a toilet? Did she get some huge inheritance or did she rely on the boyfriend to pay the bills? Especially the water one.

Love knows no bounds. It may be true. Seriously though, who the 'eff continues to date someone that refuses to get off the toilet? For two years? I just don’t get him. I can’t get him. I think all space and time would cease to exist if I really understood what was going on through his head. It was really two years of waiting on this girl, before you said to yourself, “Something just isn’t right here.” Was it some sort of sick fetish? Maybe I can understand that.

So I continued thinking. It’s completely mean of me to have the imagery of her as Bonnie Grape. First off Darlene Cates deserves much better than that. She is a great actress and a lovely woman. In fact I apologize right here and right now to Ms. Cates, because there is no excuse for me to compare Bonnie Grape to a woman who grew around a toilet seat. In fact I do enjoy that movie, and may have even shed a tear during it. I hate myself for associating the two.

But if there ever was a “WTF? Moment,” this my dear readers is it.

~barry