I Think I Love You....

I think I love you….

"I totally plan to go back into acting once the strike stops," Reid told Pop Tarts last week at Eva Longoria-Parker's Padres Contra El Cancer's 8th Annual "El Sueno De Esperanza" benefit gala in Hollywood. "The economy is so bad right now that people are afraid to put money back into acting. Even the shows that seem new, they really shot six months ago. So when it's all back up again, I will go back into it. That's my heart," she said.

Oh Tara…… Seriously, does it get more delusional than this? We here at WO headquarters don’t pretend to be in the know on all things Hollywood, but I’m fairly confident in saying that the writers’ strike is indeed over and has been for quite some time (ed- SAG has a meeting Oct 18th to decide future, and we know that’s not what she was talking about). I love that Tara Reid has decided to continue her own personal strike in that precious little head of hers, and that is the reason why she isn’t working right now. It's not that she CANT get a job people, it’s about principles… and she has got ‘em… loads of ‘em. Smarts? Not so much.


I am willing to overlook such things. Because baby likes to party and you KNOW she is fun time. The downside (of course) is that she is already over 30. Which means, with her lifestyle she only has two years (tops) before she turns into a 3rd shift bar whore. Some might even say she has reached that level. I am not one of those people. Yet. That time is probably coming… and coming soon. But, I think she has another run in her still. And I will be anxiously waiting for it….Worst Case? There is a Cinemax movie in her future… so either way we are winners.

-Buford

A Jersey Girl's Birthday

This quick respect piece was deferred to me by Buford. He says that I’m good at throwing the quick crap together. Unfortunately there is no easy and/or quick way to write about this woman.

Growing up in my (our) part of Jersey there were a few things guys could agree on, yet the two that automatically come to mind are our love of soccer and Elisabeth Shue. On the 6th of October in the year of 1963, Delaware produced its finest product ever, and quickly gave this goddess to the only state that could contain her. Elisabeth Shue is the definition of Jersey Girl.

She played high school soccer on a boy’s team, due to the lack of girl teams at the time. She stole all of our hearts as Ali Mills in The Karate Kid. She would continue to do it again as Chris Parker in Adventures in Babysitting, Jordan Mooney in Cocktail, Jennifer Parker in Back to the Future II and III (sorry Claudia Wells), Leaving Las Vegas, The Saint, Palmetto, Hollow Man and Hamlet 2. How can one woman find her way into so many guy-flicks? Okay... so maybe a few of them aren’t exactly guy flicks… who’s paying attention that closely?



I can’t think of a single moment where Elisabeth Shue wasn’t hot. Think about it. Wines mature nicely, but they have nothing on Ms. Shue. So… she’s married to an Oscar winning Guggenheim, who helped Al Gore try to save the world, and makes all of us here at WO Headquarters look like complete scumbags. I know… I know… it wasn’t that hard, but even when we don’t have a chance, it’s nice to pretend.

Now stopping myself before I begin to write a thesis style post… The WO just wanted to wish Ms. Shue a very very happy belated birthday. Thank you for all you have given us over the years. I don’t think the WO would exist without you.



-barry

Barry Watched the 60th Emmy Awards

I noticed a few things about the Emmys that I wanted to share. Sure it’s not an eloquent opening, but I really don’t care.

Side note: I really wanted to edit out the accidental rhyme, but part of the beauty of the WO is the willingness of it’s contributors to jump on the grenade or perhaps under the bus. I should be slapped for that rhyme. I’m just going to let it sit there, and torture myself with it. I really really do hate it. Anyway back to the blog.

Tina Fey is up first. What can one say about Tina? Ms. Fey is hot, smart, funny and just an all around perfect woman. Can people please stop comparing her to Sarah Palin? After all Sarah Palin is none of the above. Why? Have you ever heard Palin during an interview? Not a speech prepared by a team of people trained to shape her image. I’m talking about a legit interview. I honestly think my dog is smarter than her. Tina Fey is amazing. Sarah Palin is a governor of a state no one cares about. Stop the comparisons.



Moving on…. It’s time to scold the Emmy writers. Oscars, Grammys, Mtv Whatever Awards, etc… please take note. You can’t write. You unfunny C’s ruin everything. Why do you torture us year after year with your flat humor? I blame Sean Penn. Sean… Chris Rock was hilarious. Maybe because you don’t have a sense of humor you have to go and be an ass, but don’t ruin it for the rest of us. Same goes to Jordan Sparks. Jordan, no one cares about your opinion. You snaked a career via an ‘effin reality show. So the Jonas Brothers wear promise rings, and someone made fun of them. Big deal. I think the more humorous aspect of the Jonas Brothers wearing promise rings is the fact that they can have almost any girl now, but by the time they’re ready to get busy… their record will be in the 99cent bin and no one would ever consider ‘effing them. Especially now that we realize they can’t defend themselves, and need Jordan Sparks to stand up for them.

Along the same lines, who likes Josh Groban? Seriously? Can someone please make this over dramatic ass stop? Please?

Sorry… back to the writers. You all suck. Give your paychecks back now. You are a disgrace to every writer that was on strike last year.

Finally (and the main reason for this post), the WO’s dreams almost came true. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Hayden Panettiere present an award together. Well that may not be entirely accurate. The dream is to be in a Hewitt-Panettiere sandwich, but lets put that aside for now (perhaps that’s a whole other blog post). Amanda Beckett and Claire Bennet on stage at the same time? Be still my heart. Finally award shows seem to be throwing straight males a bone. It was a beautiful moment, and I nearly cried out of joy. What award did they announce? No clue. All I heard at that moment where birds and choirs of angels. Buford felt the same way, considering it was mentioned in the first email he sent me Monday. The WO thanks the Emmys for that. It was truly the only way to celebrate the 60th anniversary.

~barry

Questions/Comments? You know where to reach us.

RIP Snowman

Yesterday we lost a great American, Mr. Jerry Reed. Whether you know him as The Snowman (Cledus Snow, close buddy of the Bandit), Coach Red Beaulieu (He did fire the Waterboy), or as the great musician he was, Jerry Reed touched all of our lives here at the WO. We ask you all to drink a Coors in his honor tonight.


News Link

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin'... a'we gonna do what they say can't be done... We've got a long why to go and a short time to get there... I'm east bound just watch ol'Bandit run

RIP Jerry... RIP.


-barry

Birthday Trifecta – 09-02-08

Now The WO can’t be responsible for announcing every birthday that goes by, or we’d be a blog of complete nonsense. Today is special however, and we see an occurrence of a WO Birthday Trifecta.

Today marks the 30th anniversary of Dawn of the Dead. Although not released until later in the US, Romero’s shopping mall zombie fest was released in Italy on September 2nd, 1978. Besides being an awesome movie, the remake showed us all that Sarah Polley could be hot running around barefoot from the undead. No disrespect to Gaylen Ross whatsoever. So congrats on the birthday Dawn of the Dead.

Also turning one year older today is Über-MILF Salma Hayek. 42 years old and still hot. God bless you, Santanico Pandemonium. You are still one of the hottest Muses out there (Kevin Smith’s Dogma reference for the uneducated in fine cinema).




Last but not least is a personal favorite of the WO’s own Buford. Johnny Utah aka Keanu Reeves turns 44 today. Love him or hate him, Keanu is pop-culture royalty. Ted “Theodore” Logan has had a long luxurious career. Youngblood, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Point Break, Speed, The Replacements, The Matrix, and the list goes on and on. Thomas Anderson will also play the role of Klaatu in the certain-to-be-awful remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. The WO gives you props Shane Falco. After all, “Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.”




Happy Birthday to you all.

The WO.

(-Train)

Happy Birthday Summer Glau!

Well if I didn't randomly log into IMDB today, I would have never know the world's hottest sci-fi poster girl was turning 27 years old.

I'll be honest. I didn't watch Firefly, although I saw Serenity. It was the Sarah Connor Chronicles that really brought Summer to the WO's attention. She even made the show watchable. Okay. I would have watched it anyway. Not the point. She's a constant contender in The WO's List (if only on the bubble some weeks). We can overlook you being a Cowboys fan. After all, you're a prima ballerina.

The WO happily wishes Summer a very happy birthday.
And if you ever need anything...
Barry's Facebook Page
The WO's Myspace Page

You can even just email us from here. We'd love to hear from you, and excuse my fanboy desperation.

Happy Bithday Summer. :)

-barry

Bad Movies

I like bad movies. I do. I didn't fully grasp this until recently. Barry sent me an email about a week ago bitching about a commercial he saw for the new Ashton Kutcher movie and how this guy can still be employed. I responded that he was insane. Any movie that has a trailer with a guy pissing on dishes is going to be funny. I think we fought for a while about it but, end result, I accepted the fact that I like bad movies and I really didn't have a leg to stand on.

Funny bad movies at least. I don't understand it. Maybe what Holden in 'Chasing Amy' said is right, 'The real money is in dick and fart jokes'. I don't know if thats true or not, but if you make a stupid movie, with sight gags, minimal plot, and throw in some gratitious nudity....I'm watching it.

Recently, I was flipping channels. I came across "Little Man", I'm fairly certain that this movie didn't make any top ten lists the year it came out. Yet, there is a scene in the movie where the 'baby' (a midget that noone has figured out isn't a toddler..fucking stupid, right?????) banged his foster mom when she was sleeping. I laughed. out loud. It was embarrassing. But it was funny. It also had Tracey Jordan in it..and he is awesome.

Another one that I stumbled upon...The Larry the Cable Guy movie. I didn't see the entire movie but I flipped on during a point when he had the shits and there was a scene of him blast testing a toilet....It was fantastic. I lasted 30 minutes. I would have watched the entire thing if my wife didn't walk in and demand I take an IQ test. She hates me.

Anyway, between Barry breaking my balls about Ashton, The cable guy movie, and Little Man, I don't think there is any hiding it. I love a bad movie. Is that wrong? I don't know. Does it make me a bad person that I don't feel the need to 'learn' something from everything I watch? I don't think I care.

So, I'm calling for it...I know we have at least a few people that check this site on occasion...raise you flag!!!! What stupid movie do you love?

Here are a few of mine:
1. Dude? Where's my car?
2. Little Man
3. Larry The Cable Guy
4. National Lampoon Movies (that have been made in the last 6-8 years)
5. Bio Dome

Swayze, Cancer, and High School Musical?

I was reading about Patrick Swayze’s cancer in People magazine. I always liked him……he usually played the tough guy, even in Dirty Dancing and Ghost. Its true, despite the pussification of the roles, when you get down to it, he was awesome in both. Nailed Baby in Dirty Dancing, and that was just because he tired of nailing the bored housewives all summer….a graduating senior was a different direction and Johnny Castle liked a different direction every once in a while. In Ghost, he was married to Demi Moore (who was still in her dirty, smoky voiced St. Elmo’s Fire stage), He died early on and then actually TORTURED AND KILLED the guys responsible for his death and STILL got to go upstairs. That is pretty big. You don’t see that all of the time from ghosts, especially not ghosts that are going to heaven.

Anyway, I was reading and they are getting comments from former costars and shit like that…Tom Cruise, Whoopi, a bunch of other people….and then I read the name Kenny Ortega from Dirty Dancing. I know that name! Why in the HELL would I know the name of the choreographer from Dirty Dancing? It then hit me, he is also the director and choreographer for the High School Musical movies, which if you have kids, you have seen more than once…Hell, I know most of the words to the movie at this point. ANYWAY, I decided that there really are only two choreographers in the world. Kenny Ortega and Debbie Allen, that’s it. I have been dropping his name randomly the past week too, just to see if anyone else knows who he is…no one. I guess I can’t say I’m surprised, who the hell knows choreographers? I was watching one of the making of shows from High School music and there is something comedic/awesome about seeing a guy that is almost sixty do all of the ‘latest’ dance moves and hanging out with the Disney generation. I guess he can kind of pull it off too without looking too much like a pervert. I think so at least.

So, two questions for you that hit me because of this article (and totally not related):

Question 1: Are there other Choreographers besides Debbie and Kenny? (1b) Should we really know their names anyway? I mean Fame for Debbie is an F-ing CAREER. Actually that is really all she did…I mean she showed up in plenty, but she is pretty much known for Fame (I think.) Kenny rocked out with Xanadu, Dirty Dancing, AND the High School Musical series…the guy just keeps making movies for each generation. But, does that matter? I don't think so...I think knowing a choreographer is more pretentious/gay than even knowing assistant directors/editors/cinematographers. Yep, I think we should only be aware of directors and actors...maybe some writers too. Thats it.

Question 2: With Patrick battling cancer (much love), what is your favorite Swayze film….and Road House is not an acceptable answer..because its too easy. And he wasn’t even that great in it. That movie was all about Sam Elliot. And if you disagree with that…you are 100% wrong.

Selected Filmography:

• The Outsiders – Darry…Pimp older brother, famous for telling Pony Boy to keep it under a pack a day. I love responsible parenting.
• Uncommon Valor – Kevin Scott, he was kind of a bitch in this film….I’m putting it here because it’s about POW’s…oh, and Gene Hackman was in it. That’s it.
• Red Dawn – Jed, another awesome older brother role…C Thomas Howell again too. I love this movie. Again, war…propaganda, good times….I still like yelling ‘Wolverines’ every now and again too…even if My Name is Earl kind of ruined it.
• Youngblood – Derek Sutton, to be honest with you, I don’t remember much about this movie, I just know that it was a Rob Lowe vehicle, and that bothered me.
• Dirty Dancing – Johnny Castle, I think I made my feelings known above on this one.
• Next of Kin – Truman Gates, inbred super cop! I love this movie…..definitely worth watching whenever its on cable. Plus, Ben Stiller has a role as a bad (tough) guy…The hell? Also Helen Hunt before she turned into an egomaniacal bitch!
• Ghost – Sam Wheat, it’s pretty gay, but if you look deep enough its still awesome…you just have to look deep.
• Point Break – Bodhi, Bodhi was fantastic….banged chicks, robbed banks, got Zen, dared the Feds to take him down, and convinced Keanu Reeves to let him die in the ocean instead of going to jail. NICE.

He did some other movies too; most recently I enjoyed his role in a film called 11:14. (if you haven’t seen it, its worth checking out.) But, he hasn’t been “Swayze” in almost 20 years. Which is ok, we all don’t keep our fastball forever. None the less, big fan and I hope for the best for him and his family.

Buford..

Women Sits on Toilet for 2 Years... WTF?!?!?

A wise person once said, “Love knows no bounds.” Who said it? I’m not sure. Are they really that wise? Not in my opinion. But time and time again we come across stories that pretty much make us say “wtf?” Like this one for example: LINK HERE

Now I shouldn’t have to tell you about the woman from Ness City, Kansas, who sat on the toilet for two years. Her boyfriend apparently brought her water and food during this time, and finally decided to call the authorities to help her out. Her skin grew around the toilet seat, so badly that they pried off the seat and it went with her to the hospital. She was found with her sweatpants at mid-thigh, and she didn’t want to leave the toilet. PD said that her legs looked atrophied.

Does this fit into the agoraphobia realm? I don’t know. I’m not a psychologist, but if there was ever a “safe place” it may be the bathroom. But sitting on the toilet for two years? I just don’t get it.

When I first heard this story I really wanted a picture of these messes. If anyone has one, I’d be glad to take a look. Feel free to email us (worthlessops@gmail.com). The image that popped in my head almost automatically was that of Bonnie Grape, with a toilet seat embedded in her rear. While poor Johnny Depp (Gilbert Grape) reinforced the floor underneath. Screaming as the Sherriff Dept was pulling her out of the house.

“Give me back my toilet Jerry! Jerry! Give me back my toilet!”

Oh the imagery alone makes me chuckle, and I don’t mean to make fun of the mentally ill. I assume that’s what she is, because who sits on the pot for two years?!?! I think the bigger issue lies with the 36yo boyfriend. Did he cater to her besides food and water? Did he set up a TV in the bathroom, so she could watch Maury find out who is not the baby’s father? Did he give her a sponge bath on the toilet, or was she close enough to the sink that she could do it herself from her throne? Did he change her sweatpants for her? How can you afford to live on a toilet? Did she get some huge inheritance or did she rely on the boyfriend to pay the bills? Especially the water one.

Love knows no bounds. It may be true. Seriously though, who the 'eff continues to date someone that refuses to get off the toilet? For two years? I just don’t get him. I can’t get him. I think all space and time would cease to exist if I really understood what was going on through his head. It was really two years of waiting on this girl, before you said to yourself, “Something just isn’t right here.” Was it some sort of sick fetish? Maybe I can understand that.

So I continued thinking. It’s completely mean of me to have the imagery of her as Bonnie Grape. First off Darlene Cates deserves much better than that. She is a great actress and a lovely woman. In fact I apologize right here and right now to Ms. Cates, because there is no excuse for me to compare Bonnie Grape to a woman who grew around a toilet seat. In fact I do enjoy that movie, and may have even shed a tear during it. I hate myself for associating the two.

But if there ever was a “WTF? Moment,” this my dear readers is it.

~barry

His Name Is Dalton ~ RIP Jeff

Dalton: You play pretty good for a blind white boy.

Cody: Yea, and I thought you'd be bigger.

I am perhaps the worst person to be writing this up. I was never a big Jeff Healey Band fan (I did enjoy the jazz stuff though), but I was a big Road House fan. As you should all know by now Jeff Healey has succumbed to cancer.

He lost his sight at age one due to retinoblastoma, and his eyes were surgically removed. Jeff didn't let it hold him back. It was at age three that he picked up a guitar, and developed his own unique style of playing and sound.


Now I'm not trying to turn this into a wikipedia post, or an actual news story. I just wanted to show respect for a talented artist. Thoughts, prayers and well wishes out to Jeff's wife and two kids.


And Jeff... in the W.O.'s heart... you are immortal. Thank you for everything.


-barry

Hannah Montana - What my life has become and where it will never go

Hannah Montana – What my life has become and where it will never go

I have three daughters. Two of the three like Hannah Montana. Actually, one of the three LOVES Hannah, my middle daughter loves anything her older sister likes. The youngest, well, she is just learning to walk, so she hasn’t pledged her allegiance either way yet. I’m sure she will be a Hannah fan in short order.

For those of you checking the WO that do not have children (or read newspapers at this point), the 3D movie was just released. I promised the girls I would take them. So, I took them over Sunday. Its playing in 2 theaters, 1 or 130pm works for me, I will be home to enjoy my cocktails and watch the Super Bowl without a problem. Except, that apparently I completely underestimated the appeal of Miley Cyrus. ALL shows were sold out. I bought tickets while I was there (for $18 bucks a piece!!!!….asshats) for the 5pm show the following day.

I canceled a meeting and left work early to go to the movie. I was embarrassed, but it’s for my kids and I think these are the things you are supposed to do (at least that is what I kept telling myself.) We got to the theater about 30 minutes before it started, and there was a line out the door already. I’m pretty close to killing myself at this point. Anyway, we get into the theater; I score solid seats towards the back and grab booster seats for the girls (who knew these were available?) The show finally starts 30 minutes later. 77 minutes after that, its over. The girls are happy, I’m out 54 bucks (and a little dignity) and that was that.

So, the point I’m trying to make is……..seriously, this isn’t just me bitching about living in a house with four women. (Although, I REALLY should think about that)

Here is what I learned at Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour (2008).

• I have come to fully accept that I actually like this music now. It was a sad day, but I don’t listen to ‘my’ music anymore. I tried to pretend that I ‘tolerated’ this music for a while. At the movie when she started playing a song I like, I leaned over to nudge my daughter. As in, ‘I can’t believe they are playing this!’ I was pretty close to just slamming my head in the car door afterwards.


• There is a scene in the movie where they show a bunch of fathers that showed up for a contest to win 4 tickets to the actual concert. There were a TON of dads. They had to race across a soaked parking lot in high heels. They all did this. And did it willingly. They even signed releases to be in a god damn movie doing it! I will never be this dad. This is not something that is negotiable.


• The new 3D technology is LEGIT and the 3D glasses are much better than they used to be too. They are like normal sunglasses now. This might all be old hat to Disney/MGM/Epcot folks, but I haven’t been down to Orlando in about 20 years. This was all new and cool to me.


• They showed previews for a Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D (2008) and U2 3D (2007) before the movie. WOW. They have come a LOOOOONG way since I sat through Jaw 3 in 3D. I mean, it’s not like they just have those stupid things that shoot out anymore, and the whole movie is layered now. It’s awesome and I’m definitely going back to another 3D movie. I hope they look to use this more often. At least where it will work.


• And finally I learned that I’m a pretty good father, because Rambo was playing at the same time and I didn’t even THINK about leaving my kids alone to sneak into the next theater to watch it. Nope, thought never crossed my mind. Not once. Well, not for long at least. Alright, let’s just say I DIDN’T do it.

-Buford

Death and Life: Heath Ledger and Sonny Chiba

Heath Ledger is dead. It is a tragedy. We all feel for his family and daughter. Twenty-eight years old, and gone to soon. That is something that happens every day. The self-righteous pigs that we call the media will not let him rest peacefully. There is no secret in that. Sensationalize... sensationalize... sensationalize…

That’s why we will leave it at that. We have something else to discuss.

On January 23, 1939, the gods smiled on this rock, and gave us someone to cherish in Fukuoka, Japan. Someone who would inspire thousands of suburban children to walk on down to their local dojo (ed- more to come on a particular dojo soon enough), and sign up for their first karate lesson.

Today marks the 69^th birthday of the man, the myth, the legend Sonny Chiba.

He is a master of Judo, Goju-ryu Karate and Ninjutsu, amongst others. He has been in such great films as The Street Fighter (1974), Champion of Death (1975), Golgo 13 (1977), Aces: Iron Eagle III (1992), Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003), just to name a few. We also know him more recently from Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003), where he took on the now legendary role of Hattori Hanzo.

Sonny Chiba you were there for us when we lost the great Bruce Lee. So today on your 69^th birthday, Sadaho Maeda, we at the Hall of the W.O. salute you, and express our deepest gratitude. You are truly one of the greats.

-barry

"Well, he ain't so much a good guy as he is just a bad mother fucker. I mean, he gets paid by people to fuck guys up." -Clarence Worley

Lost and Found: Baby

Original Post: 29 Nov 2007 (Thursday)

(ed- of course I went for the Spanish cover)

Instead of working, Buford and Barry (me) tend to email each other back and forth throughout the day. We may have touched on Jennifer Love getting engaged, and her many questionable beaus of the past. We may have touched on Kristen Bell racing up the charts like a rocket into our respective Top 5's (ed- See the WO Poll for updates). We may have talked about Buford tearing up during Rocky last night (ed- Sorry again). The point is these emails get us through the day. So let me give you an excerpt.

Buford: There is a new movie I saw a preview for before Enchanted this weekend (shut up, 3 daughters, it happens) about the Loch Ness Monster as a baby... that looks like it will amuse me.

Barry: Remember that movie "Baby" about the kidnapping of the baby Brontosaurus (I realize they don't exist anymore... and are now called Apatosaurus's or something)... I got to find a copy of that somewhere. I loved it as a kid, and only remember the mama tied down to a pontoon boat going out of the jungle.

Buford: Oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We used to have that on VHS and my sister watched it all of the time...that was dope. I would totally watch that again.

Barry: That movie was huge and it just disappeared off the face of the earth. I don't know what happened. Ebay. I just remember buying Baby trading cards and Baby candy. Weird how it just disappears

Buford: That is really weird...it had a big push and no staying power....I now want to wrack my brain and think of others like that...Neverending Story maybe? Willow? I don't know...

Barry: The Neverending Story is on every now and then so I have to disagree with that. I know Disney burried The Black Cauldron (ed- Don't forget Song of the South) though... Dragonslayer was huge for a minute. I'd say Monster Squad but they just released that again. The Boy Who Could Fly? Do they show that anymore? This is tougher than it looks.

Buford: The Boy Who Could Fly has been on HBO family in the past few months...WOW that did not hold up well. Black Cauldron...Dark Crystal? I don't know...Baby is probably the best one...they did everything for it. And then it just vanished. Amazing.

So anyway... that's a little portion of the email conversation we had. This is where we need your help. The movie was called Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985). Isn't IMDB great? This movie had a marketing push that was insane. So much merchandise was available.

Now you may ask yourself... "Barry and Levon, where did you get two-hundred and forty dollars?"

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Don't worry your pretty little head about it, baby.
Whoops flashback.

You may ask yourself... "Barry... Buford... what do you want for us?"
Simple answer? We want you to help us think of a movie with a huge marketing and promotional push, which disappeared off the face of the Earth. Perhaps a little bigger than Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.

Please help. I've already spent too many hours trying to figure this out. This also means I spent zero time on the edit of this blog. Take it for what it's worth.

Thank you
Barry Wiley

Update: We know you're out there... we have never solicited for comments before. Please... just give us a heads up. It's still killing my brain. Thanks again.

-Barry

Principal Vernon Was Right...

Buford wrote another beautiful piece awhile back. Did we ever post it? I'm not sure. Now this is a blog, I've been sick, and we were in desperate need of something new to post. So if we did use this previously, I apologize to the faithful readers who have been through it already. We got plenty more coming. Don't worry. For the new people who randomly crossed our path... enjoy.

- Barry

You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's "bitchin," is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he's a bum. You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.

This scene in The Breakfast Club was at the point in the movie where John Bender is still playing up the 'tough guy' role. He's mouthing off to the principal, and trying to make him look like a fool in front of the other students. Basically, the scene illustrates perfectly how some teenagers act towards authority figures. I think the scene is brilliant on two fronts. One because anyone under the age of (I don't know... let's say) 21 thinks it an absolutely appropriate attack on conformity and the general idea of 'grown ups.' Conversely, everyone OVER that age can see that Vernon's response is 100% correct. This is something that I'm sure many teachers for YEARS have been dying to say to some of their smart assed students.

Vernon's statement to Bender is probably something that most everyone is already thinking. Bender was a go nowhere bum that was cruising through high school on his way to a go nowhere job (odds are more than one go nowhere job). He didn't care about anything, and it showed. High school was going to be his last hurrah, and I believe Bender knew it. Graduation would come, forcing him into the real world. And the real world isn't a very pleasant place sometimes. Especially for someone coming in completely ill equipped.

Granted, Bender had a tough upbringing, which sucks. Too bad for him though. Plenty of people have been placed behind the eight ball. It's his job to work his way out of it. Instead, he decided to prove all his critics correct by becoming the bum they all thought he was.

My guess is that shortly after graduation, Bender would be kicked out of his house, and would have moved into some crappy apartment. From there, he would have to take on a crappy job at a gas station, unloading trucks, etc. At first, he would be a big hit with some of the rising seniors at Shermer High School, because they would have a place to hang out, drink and smoke weed, basically somewhere with no rules; a club house, if you will. This would be fantastic, until approximately the end of the first semester of college for all of his former friends that he used to hang out with that did go off to school. This is when Bender would get his first taste of 'growing up.'

All of his old friends would be home from school now, and would come over and hang out. They would still smoke up, drink and b.s. about the old days, except his friends were now also talking about the new people they have met and different things they are doing. This is when his old friends would begin to realize that Bender was in fact going nowhere. Chances are he would probably lose his first job about now. His friends are home for vacation, and he would undoubtedly screw it up by wanting to hang out, and not 'giving a fuck.' It happens. He is only 18, and 18 year olds make mistakes. Unfortunately for him, he is not in a position to make a lot of 18 year old mistakes anymore. If he doesn't lose his job, well then, he has now come to the realization that his is in fact a working stiff in a shitty job, while his friends are off having fun. This is when his lot in life becomes clear.

By the end of the second semester, the friends don't call him when they get back from school as quickly. They now have other things to do. Maybe they realize that hanging out with the 'old crew' isn't as fun as it used to be, and frankly, John has probably moved on a little as well. Here he is... 19 now, and most likely hanging out with guys that were him 10 years ago. He has officially started his descent into becoming a regular at some third shift bar. He is now who he will be for the rest of his life. At 19 years old.

By the time his friends from high school are graduating college, Bender is firmly entrenched in his meager life, which he created for himself. He has become someone who his old friends will run into on that Wednesday before Thanksgiving at the local bar. They will smile, and speak politely. They will also realize that they have nothing in common with the man they thought was so cool in high school. Bender will have become that bum that Vernon had prophesied 5 years earlier.

Now, is it possible that it worked out another way? Yes. It's possible. Do I think it would have? No way. Bender had too much going against him to start with; he needed to be dedicated to making sure these things didn't happen to him. The last semester of his senior year is entirely too late for him to magically 'turn it around.'

When Vernon calls out Bender, it is a turning point in the movie. Here is an educator calling out a bum on his bullshit, and actually saying 'I'm not going to take it anymore.' I love it. I sided with Bender in high school... but, now? Vernon was right. Bender is a shiftless asshole.

-Buford

Worthless Movie Review - Sol Goode

Random weekend posting.....We will try and throw up some reviews of movies you might not have noticed on the first run..or things that are kicking around On Demand or on Net Flix that are worth giving a shot.

Buford

This movie slid right under the radar. I love everyone in it too...Don't know how I missed it. Anyway. What a great movie.

Bathalzar Getty plays 'Sol Goode' who is a degenerate playboy living off his parents money. Him and his buddy Cooper just try and nail chicks and have as little responsibility as possible..That is their job. Really flimsy plot line but, way too much fun. Excellent cast too...Jamie Kennedy is Sol's roommate with an irritable bowel and a (figuratively speaking) pain in the ass for a fiance (Natasha Gregson Wagner.) Cheri Oteri plays a crazed agent and boss to Jamie Kennedy. Jonathan Scheach (of That Thing You Do fame) plays Sol's well hung Cowboy cousin (!?!?!?) and Tori Spelling has a nice little turn as a foul mouthed f-buddy of Sol's. It is awesome. Carmen Electra, Jared Leto and Christina Applegate all have cameos and are fantastic. Hell, I might run right out and buy it after work. If for no other reason than to hear:

"I have such a bangover this morning"
and
"I have to work on my salad"
For some reason, salad is hair....And for some other reason, this is extremely funny to me.

Max Perlich also has a brilliant appearance as a mulleted waiter who knew Sol in High School. His line:

"You fucked my sister, Nicole the Hole. You remember me?"
The best thing was, this line is said out of genuine admiration....Also, Max Perlich is an f-ing pimp. I'm fairly happy anytime he shows up in anything.

Trust me.....Take the 90 minutes and watch this movie....It will make you laugh. Alot.

Best Monkeys in TV/Movie History

So it's a new year already. The good ol' '08. What better way to look forward to the future, than to study the past. Yes Master Yoda, I remember what you taught me.

"All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.”

But forgetting the sage like advice from one of the greatest teachers, (Yes I am a geek... but from what I hear that's chic now) we do look to the future. And that brings me back to the past. On January 11th, 2007, Buford produced a blog that made all of us at WO Headquarters very proud.

With that.... I bring you his article, "The Best Monkeys in TV/Movie History."

Enjoy,

Barry

The Best Monkeys in TV/Movie History
(Originally posted: Jan 11, 2007)

After watching a commercial for Trunk Monkeys (which are awesome and everyone should watch), I was sitting around thinking about how great monkeys have been in the movie industry. Pretty much every time a monkey is in a movie or on screen, you are going to stop and watch; because, monkeys are fantastic and always food for a laugh. So, I sat there and thought about monkeys. And monkeys in movies and television. And monkeys that I have never forgot. Monkeys are awesome. And here is a list of my favorite monkeys.

Clyde (Any Which Way But Loose)

He was also in the sequel, but I don't think I really liked the sequel as much. I like CLYDE in the sequel, but the movie?? Eh. Actually, I liked Philo fighting the guy he had befriended, and I liked how excited that guy was when he broke Philo's arm, only to get his ass kicked anyway. Ok, I liked that movie too... the Any Which Way series rocked. Now, onto Clyde; Clyde could take cars apart, drink beer, and liked to get his groove on. He also was an excellent bodyguard, and had a fantastic smile. This movie also stars Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood and a monkey, I'm going to watch that every time.

Marcel (Friends)

I never really liked Marcel. I actually hate spider monkeys... because they aren't real monkeys. Well, at least they aren't like good monkeys that you could train to use the bathroom or sit in a bar with. They are pretty much the 'pet' of the monkey world, and I like my monkeys to be more of a friend than a pet. Is that wrong? I don't know, but that is my criteria.

Anyway, Marcel roped me in during one episode of Friends where they were over at Ross' apartment, and Marcel kept playing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" over and over again while dancing on a chair. After much complaining from the group, Ross goes over and turns the stereo off. Marcel then gets down from his perch and runs off into the bedroom; where he proceeds to slam the door. It was brilliant. Granted, the monkey had very little to do with this, as I'm sure some PA slammed the door. None the less, the effect was awesome. Marcel gained a lifetime pass, and entry into my monkey list from that one episode. I enjoyed his later work, when he dressed up as a ballerina, and took a dump in Rachel's shoe as well. Marcel barely makes the list, but he earned his spot.

Virgil (Project X)

Virgil... ahhhh, Virgil. This movie made me cry. (-ed. It made Barry cry as well) Matthew Broderick did this movie when he was still on the heels of Ferris Bueller, and he smoked Marlboro Reds too. You can't smoke Reds in a family friendly film these days, but Ferris did... and Ferris was awesome.

This also starred a pre-Mad About You Helen Hunt. This also makes her pre-Oscar and in turn, pre-bitch. She pretty much just had Tami Maida as the Quarterback Princess on her resume at the time this movie was filmed. So, she was humble, and only slightly bitchy. I am still mad that she left Hank Azaria. F-ing bitch.

Anyway, Virgil was a monkey that Helen Hunt taught sign language, and many other things. He was a very bright and wicked cute little guy that lived life like a child, and Helen was his mom. Until funding dried up on her stupid little experiments, that is. Helen didn't have the money to buy the monkey outright from the school, so she was told he was being sent to a zoo. Turns out the zoo means sent to the Air Force for a top secret mission. Anyway, because Virgil is so smart he is like the superstar of the training class.

This class also includes Goofy and Goliath. Two of the most underrated monkeys ever to grace the silver screen. Goliath is an old monkey that was brought in from a circus. He is grumpy, and smokes. Goofy, is just the house retard... but, cute. So yeah, the house retard. Anyway, turns out that the training they are doing is just simulations to see how long a pilot can continue to fly an airplane after being exposed to a nuclear blast and the ensuing radiation. Virgil and most of the monkeys get away at the end, Goliath saves the day in one of the most brutal death scenes ever filmed, and all is well in the land. I haven't seen this movie in about 15 years, and I can still remember everything. In particular, how awesome Virgil was when he signed for an apple.

I

What are some other monkeys that were great in movies and television? I feel remiss to not add Bear from BJ and the Bear, but that show was long ago, and I find that even mentioning it nowadays is usually met with blank stares.

Who are your favorite monkeys? And seriously, is there actually anyone in the world that does NOT like monkeys?

-Buford

Back when this was originally posted we did get some replys. Our good friend Tracey brought up Lancelot Link. WO staffer, Speed, also brought to our attention that Marcel is also the rally monkey, and for that reason alone he should be dropped from the list. Now we solicit more responses.

Beyond that? have a great day.