Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Death and Life: Heath Ledger and Sonny Chiba

Heath Ledger is dead. It is a tragedy. We all feel for his family and daughter. Twenty-eight years old, and gone to soon. That is something that happens every day. The self-righteous pigs that we call the media will not let him rest peacefully. There is no secret in that. Sensationalize... sensationalize... sensationalize…

That’s why we will leave it at that. We have something else to discuss.

On January 23, 1939, the gods smiled on this rock, and gave us someone to cherish in Fukuoka, Japan. Someone who would inspire thousands of suburban children to walk on down to their local dojo (ed- more to come on a particular dojo soon enough), and sign up for their first karate lesson.

Today marks the 69th birthday of the man, the myth, the legend Sonny Chiba.

He is a master of Judo, Goju-ryu Karate and Ninjutsu, amongst others. He has been in such great films as The Street Fighter (1974), Champion of Death (1975), Golgo 13 (1977), Aces: Iron Eagle III (1992), Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003), just to name a few. We also know him more recently from Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003), where he took on the now legendary role of Hattori Hanzo.

Sonny Chiba you were there for us when we lost the great Bruce Lee. So today on your 69th birthday, Sadaho Maeda, we at the Hall of the W.O. salute you, and express our deepest gratitude. You are truly one of the greats.


"Well, he ain't so much a good guy as he is just a bad mother fucker. I mean, he gets paid by people to fuck guys up." -Clarence Worley

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Lost and Found: Baby

Original Post: 29 Nov 2007 (Thursday)
(ed- of course I went for the Spanish cover)

Instead of working, Buford and Barry (me) tend to email each other back and forth throughout the day. We may have touched on Jennifer Love getting engaged, and her many questionable beaus of the past. We may have touched on Kristen Bell racing up the charts like a rocket into our respective Top 5's (ed- See the WO Poll for updates). We may have talked about Buford tearing up during Rocky last night (ed- Sorry again). The point is these emails get us through the day. So let me give you an excerpt.

Buford: There is a new movie I saw a preview for before Enchanted this weekend (shut up, 3 daughters, it happens) about the Loch Ness Monster as a baby... that looks like it will amuse me.

Barry: Remember that movie "Baby" about the kidnapping of the baby Brontosaurus (I realize they don't exist anymore... and are now called Apatosaurus's or something)... I got to find a copy of that somewhere. I loved it as a kid, and only remember the mama tied down to a pontoon boat going out of the jungle.

Buford: Oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We used to have that on VHS and my sister watched it all of the time...that was dope. I would totally watch that again.

Barry: That movie was huge and it just disappeared off the face of the earth. I don't know what happened. Ebay. I just remember buying Baby trading cards and Baby candy. Weird how it just disappears

Buford: That is really had a big push and no staying power....I now want to wrack my brain and think of others like that...Neverending Story maybe? Willow? I don't know...

Barry: The Neverending Story is on every now and then so I have to disagree with that. I know Disney burried The Black Cauldron (ed- Don't forget Song of the South) though... Dragonslayer was huge for a minute. I'd say Monster Squad but they just released that again. The Boy Who Could Fly? Do they show that anymore? This is tougher than it looks.

Buford: The Boy Who Could Fly has been on HBO family in the past few months...WOW that did not hold up well. Black Cauldron...Dark Crystal? I don't know...Baby is probably the best one...they did everything for it. And then it just vanished. Amazing.

So anyway... that's a little portion of the email conversation we had. This is where we need your help. The movie was called Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985). Isn't IMDB great? This movie had a marketing push that was insane. So much merchandise was available.

Now you may ask yourself... "Barry and Levon, where did you get two-hundred and forty dollars?"

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Don't worry your pretty little head about it, baby.
Whoops flashback.

You may ask yourself... "Barry... Buford... what do you want for us?"
Simple answer? We want you to help us think of a movie with a huge marketing and promotional push, which disappeared off the face of the Earth. Perhaps a little bigger than Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.

Please help. I've already spent too many hours trying to figure this out. This also means I spent zero time on the edit of this blog. Take it for what it's worth.

Thank you
Barry Wiley

Update: We know you're out there... we have never solicited for comments before. Please... just give us a heads up. It's still killing my brain. Thanks again.


Friday, January 11, 2008

Principal Vernon Was Right...

Buford wrote another beautiful piece awhile back. Did we ever post it? I'm not sure. Now this is a blog, I've been sick, and we were in desperate need of something new to post. So if we did use this previously, I apologize to the faithful readers who have been through it already. We got plenty more coming. Don't worry. For the new people who randomly crossed our path... enjoy.

- Barry

You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's "bitchin," is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he's a bum. You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.

This scene in The Breakfast Club was at the point in the movie where John Bender is still playing up the 'tough guy' role. He's mouthing off to the principal, and trying to make him look like a fool in front of the other students. Basically, the scene illustrates perfectly how some teenagers act towards authority figures. I think the scene is brilliant on two fronts. One because anyone under the age of (I don't know... let's say) 21 thinks it an absolutely appropriate attack on conformity and the general idea of 'grown ups.' Conversely, everyone OVER that age can see that Vernon's response is 100% correct. This is something that I'm sure many teachers for YEARS have been dying to say to some of their smart assed students.

Vernon's statement to Bender is probably something that most everyone is already thinking. Bender was a go nowhere bum that was cruising through high school on his way to a go nowhere job (odds are more than one go nowhere job). He didn't care about anything, and it showed. High school was going to be his last hurrah, and I believe Bender knew it. Graduation would come, forcing him into the real world. And the real world isn't a very pleasant place sometimes. Especially for someone coming in completely ill equipped.

Granted, Bender had a tough upbringing, which sucks. Too bad for him though. Plenty of people have been placed behind the eight ball. It's his job to work his way out of it. Instead, he decided to prove all his critics correct by becoming the bum they all thought he was.

My guess is that shortly after graduation, Bender would be kicked out of his house, and would have moved into some crappy apartment. From there, he would have to take on a crappy job at a gas station, unloading trucks, etc. At first, he would be a big hit with some of the rising seniors at Shermer High School, because they would have a place to hang out, drink and smoke weed, basically somewhere with no rules; a club house, if you will. This would be fantastic, until approximately the end of the first semester of college for all of his former friends that he used to hang out with that did go off to school. This is when Bender would get his first taste of 'growing up.'

All of his old friends would be home from school now, and would come over and hang out. They would still smoke up, drink and b.s. about the old days, except his friends were now also talking about the new people they have met and different things they are doing. This is when his old friends would begin to realize that Bender was in fact going nowhere. Chances are he would probably lose his first job about now. His friends are home for vacation, and he would undoubtedly screw it up by wanting to hang out, and not 'giving a fuck.' It happens. He is only 18, and 18 year olds make mistakes. Unfortunately for him, he is not in a position to make a lot of 18 year old mistakes anymore. If he doesn't lose his job, well then, he has now come to the realization that his is in fact a working stiff in a shitty job, while his friends are off having fun. This is when his lot in life becomes clear.

By the end of the second semester, the friends don't call him when they get back from school as quickly. They now have other things to do. Maybe they realize that hanging out with the 'old crew' isn't as fun as it used to be, and frankly, John has probably moved on a little as well. Here he is... 19 now, and most likely hanging out with guys that were him 10 years ago. He has officially started his descent into becoming a regular at some third shift bar. He is now who he will be for the rest of his life. At 19 years old.

By the time his friends from high school are graduating college, Bender is firmly entrenched in his meager life, which he created for himself. He has become someone who his old friends will run into on that Wednesday before Thanksgiving at the local bar. They will smile, and speak politely. They will also realize that they have nothing in common with the man they thought was so cool in high school. Bender will have become that bum that Vernon had prophesied 5 years earlier.

Now, is it possible that it worked out another way? Yes. It's possible. Do I think it would have? No way. Bender had too much going against him to start with; he needed to be dedicated to making sure these things didn't happen to him. The last semester of his senior year is entirely too late for him to magically 'turn it around.'

When Vernon calls out Bender, it is a turning point in the movie. Here is an educator calling out a bum on his bullshit, and actually saying 'I'm not going to take it anymore.' I love it. I sided with Bender in high school... but, now? Vernon was right. Bender is a shiftless asshole.


Saturday, January 5, 2008

Worthless Movie Review - Sol Goode

Random weekend posting.....We will try and throw up some reviews of movies you might not have noticed on the first run..or things that are kicking around On Demand or on Net Flix that are worth giving a shot.


This movie slid right under the radar. I love everyone in it too...Don't know how I missed it. Anyway. What a great movie.

Bathalzar Getty plays 'Sol Goode' who is a degenerate playboy living off his parents money. Him and his buddy Cooper just try and nail chicks and have as little responsibility as possible..That is their job. Really flimsy plot line but, way too much fun. Excellent cast too...Jamie Kennedy is Sol's roommate with an irritable bowel and a (figuratively speaking) pain in the ass for a fiance (Natasha Gregson Wagner.) Cheri Oteri plays a crazed agent and boss to Jamie Kennedy. Jonathan Scheach (of That Thing You Do fame) plays Sol's well hung Cowboy cousin (!?!?!?) and Tori Spelling has a nice little turn as a foul mouthed f-buddy of Sol's. It is awesome. Carmen Electra, Jared Leto and Christina Applegate all have cameos and are fantastic. Hell, I might run right out and buy it after work. If for no other reason than to hear:

"I have such a bangover this morning"
"I have to work on my salad"
For some reason, salad is hair....And for some other reason, this is extremely funny to me.

Max Perlich also has a brilliant appearance as a mulleted waiter who knew Sol in High School. His line:

"You fucked my sister, Nicole the Hole. You remember me?"
The best thing was, this line is said out of genuine admiration....Also, Max Perlich is an f-ing pimp. I'm fairly happy anytime he shows up in anything.

Trust me.....Take the 90 minutes and watch this movie....It will make you laugh. Alot.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Best Monkeys in TV/Movie History

So it's a new year already. The good ol' '08. What better way to look forward to the future, than to study the past. Yes Master Yoda, I remember what you taught me.

"All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.

But forgetting the sage like advice from one of the greatest teachers, (Yes I am a geek... but from what I hear that's chic now) we do look to the future. And that brings me back to the past. On January 11th, 2007, Buford produced a blog that made all of us at WO Headquarters very proud.

With that.... I bring you his article, "The Best Monkeys in TV/Movie History."


The Best Monkeys in TV/Movie History
(Originally posted: Jan 11, 2007)

After watching a commercial for Trunk Monkeys (which are awesome and everyone should watch), I was sitting around thinking about how great monkeys have been in the movie industry. Pretty much every time a monkey is in a movie or on screen, you are going to stop and watch; because, monkeys are fantastic and always food for a laugh. So, I sat there and thought about monkeys. And monkeys in movies and television. And monkeys that I have never forgot. Monkeys are awesome. And here is a list of my favorite monkeys.

Clyde (Any Which Way But Loose)

He was also in the sequel, but I don't think I really liked the sequel as much. I like CLYDE in the sequel, but the movie?? Eh. Actually, I liked Philo fighting the guy he had befriended, and I liked how excited that guy was when he broke Philo's arm, only to get his ass kicked anyway. Ok, I liked that movie too... the Any Which Way series rocked. Now, onto Clyde; Clyde could take cars apart, drink beer, and liked to get his groove on. He also was an excellent bodyguard, and had a fantastic smile. This movie also stars Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood and a monkey, I'm going to watch that every time.

Marcel (Friends)

I never really liked Marcel. I actually hate spider monkeys... because they aren't real monkeys. Well, at least they aren't like good monkeys that you could train to use the bathroom or sit in a bar with. They are pretty much the 'pet' of the monkey world, and I like my monkeys to be more of a friend than a pet. Is that wrong? I don't know, but that is my criteria.

Anyway, Marcel roped me in during one episode of Friends where they were over at Ross' apartment, and Marcel kept playing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" over and over again while dancing on a chair. After much complaining from the group, Ross goes over and turns the stereo off. Marcel then gets down from his perch and runs off into the bedroom; where he proceeds to slam the door. It was brilliant. Granted, the monkey had very little to do with this, as I'm sure some PA slammed the door. None the less, the effect was awesome. Marcel gained a lifetime pass, and entry into my monkey list from that one episode. I enjoyed his later work, when he dressed up as a ballerina, and took a dump in Rachel's shoe as well. Marcel barely makes the list, but he earned his spot.

Virgil (Project X)

Virgil... ahhhh, Virgil. This movie made me cry. (-ed. It made Barry cry as well) Matthew Broderick did this movie when he was still on the heels of Ferris Bueller, and he smoked Marlboro Reds too. You can't smoke Reds in a family friendly film these days, but Ferris did... and Ferris was awesome.

This also starred a pre-Mad About You Helen Hunt. This also makes her pre-Oscar and in turn, pre-bitch. She pretty much just had Tami Maida as the Quarterback Princess on her resume at the time this movie was filmed. So, she was humble, and only slightly bitchy. I am still mad that she left Hank Azaria. F-ing bitch.

Anyway, Virgil was a monkey that Helen Hunt taught sign language, and many other things. He was a very bright and wicked cute little guy that lived life like a child, and Helen was his mom. Until funding dried up on her stupid little experiments, that is. Helen didn't have the money to buy the monkey outright from the school, so she was told he was being sent to a zoo. Turns out the zoo means sent to the Air Force for a top secret mission. Anyway, because Virgil is so smart he is like the superstar of the training class.

This class also includes Goofy and Goliath. Two of the most underrated monkeys ever to grace the silver screen. Goliath is an old monkey that was brought in from a circus. He is grumpy, and smokes. Goofy, is just the house retard... but, cute. So yeah, the house retard. Anyway, turns out that the training they are doing is just simulations to see how long a pilot can continue to fly an airplane after being exposed to a nuclear blast and the ensuing radiation. Virgil and most of the monkeys get away at the end, Goliath saves the day in one of the most brutal death scenes ever filmed, and all is well in the land. I haven't seen this movie in about 15 years, and I can still remember everything. In particular, how awesome Virgil was when he signed for an apple.


What are some other monkeys that were great in movies and television? I feel remiss to not add Bear from BJ and the Bear, but that show was long ago, and I find that even mentioning it nowadays is usually met with blank stares.

Who are your favorite monkeys? And seriously, is there actually anyone in the world that does NOT like monkeys?

Back when this was originally posted we did get some replys. Our good friend Tracey brought up Lancelot Link. WO staffer, Speed, also brought to our attention that Marcel is also the rally monkey, and for that reason alone he should be dropped from the list. Now we solicit more responses.

Beyond that? have a great day.