Friday, August 22, 2008


WHICH hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital - and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut….

I read this in the NY Post this week. I hate blind items…but, I really love them too. They give you JUST enough to make you think you can figure it out, but you can’t. Anyway, this one is killing me. Seriously, just read it again!

I know we don’t get comments much on the WO (which is a shame…Barry and Speed are actually drinking more because of it..good job!) Help us out here. Who could this possibly be?

Here is what we know:

  • Summer movie
  • Hunk
  • Closet case
  • Can afford (at least) a half million payoff amount.

I know it’s not a ton to go on, but it’s a start. Here is the work I have done:

List of summer movies starring ‘hunks’ (as per the US Weekly definition, of course)

Iron Man – Robert Downey Jr (Is he a ‘hunk’ capable of hospital like violence? I just don’t see it. If anything, Robert is a bottom.)

Speed Racer – Emile Hirsh (Ummm……never mind.)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Shia LaBeouf (Drinks a ton, gets in trouble often, takes REALLY awkward pictures. Can he bring the pain? That is the question)

The Incredible Hulk – Ed Norton (A little payback for the American History X scene? Maybe, but doubtful.)

The Dark Knight – Christian Bale (He beat up his mom and sister over talking shit about his wife. Hate f-ing a secret boyfriend doesn’t seem too far fetched, now does it?)

The Mummy 3 – Brendan Fraser (He is that All American guy, wife and kids, the whole nine….I could see him wanting to keep a secret…plus, I think he can kick some ass if necessary)

Granted, I only took the stars out of a few of the bigger films, it could be anyone in any of the films this summer. The only thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is….it definitely wasn’t Heath Ledger….Too soon? Ehhh…..I tried.

Who is the Hollywood Hunk??????


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I hate you hyphen and everything you stand for!

I was watching the Red Bulls play Barcelona the other night…ehhh….I typically don’t bother with friendly games between club teams, but it was in High Def…and really, what isn’t fun to watch in High Def? So, the second half starts and they bring in their backup keeper… Caleb Patterson-Sewell. He did well for himself and I’m glad to see him get some minutes….Especially with Thornton gone…good on him. Blah, blah….

Anyway, not the point I’m trying to make. Why does he have two last names? What is THAT about? Why do guys have that now? Seriously!?!?!? I have noticed it more lately too. I’m thinking this is a fad, but maybe not. Is this more fallout from the pussification of our society? Possibly. Guys are too afraid to tell their wives to take their last name and now they are too afraid to tell their wives that the kids are going to at least get their last name?? Nope, now the kids have to share the two. CHRIST. What a pain in the balls too. Did this kid have to write out both all of the time growing up? I don’t remember, does he have both on the back of his jersey? If he doesn’t, does his mom give him shit for not ‘respecting’ her? What a mess. Everyone rags on people for giving their kids stupid first names, but this is worse.

My daughters watch a show on TLC called ‘Hi 5’…Three on the show has hyphenated names. 2 of them are female, one of those two are married…the other one…yep, fella with two last names.

This is different then having a family middle name too. The family middle name is pretentious sure, but a man having two last names is just a step above actual castration.

So this is my formal request to Maddox Jolie-Pitt. I’m looking to you to take a stand little man. Your pop was very cool at a time…..Well actually; He was pretty much cool right up until he started nailing your mom (she sucks by the way)…Admittedly, she did have a time when wasn’t bad, showing her boobies in movies and letting Billy Bob go for the 3rd input in limo’s on the way to awards shows. But something happened after their divorce. She turned into an overbearing twat that has systematically taken the fun out of everything that has come near her…Oh wait, it was you. Yeah, never mind. This is your entire fault. You aren’t going to be able to help. You are probably going to make this even trendier. You are doomed to be a pussy. A wicked RICH pussy that gets more ass than most boy bands could ever dream of, but a pussy none the less.

F-you Hyphen!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

You can dance for us Tara……anytime.

Tara Reid was ‘allegedly’ rejected by ‘Dancing with the Stars’ for not being family friendly? I guess being an actress with a past history of excessive drinking and partying is not what ABC wants for one of their signature shows. I get that. Disney owned and all….have to keep it clean. I mean the girl WAS in American Pie. Dick and fart jokes are not their bag, I can totally accept that. Hell, I have never even seen the show…So, who am I to even question their methods for selecting……. EXCEPT, and this is what I have an issue with, in the same article it says:

“And speculation has been stirring for quite some time about whether Kim Kardashian will bring her booty into the ballroom — but it looks as though it’s going to be a double whammy this season. A Kardashian camp insider said that Kim will be battling against her mom, Kris Jenner.”

Kim Kardashian. I think she has a reality show, not sure how she got it. So, reality ‘stars’ are now more marketable for a show with C and D list celebrities than a certified actress with actual movie credits (and hits to her name)????
Oh, and Kim also blew some second rate dude in a home made porn. Yep. Ray J. I don’t know who he is either (looked him up, he is Brandy’s brother.) Somehow this made her famous. I guess. I watched some of it…partly because they said she was famous, mostly because it was porn.
ANYWAY, she does all sorts of the things to him in the video, makes her parents SO proud, gets a reality show…and yet, SOMEHOW SHE is more family friendly than Tara Reid? Come on!!!! Tara might have done some dumb shit in her private life, but she has never ‘leaked’ a porn tape…and believe me, we here at the WO HQ have looked.

In all fairness though, from my research, it appears that Kim MIGHT be the better dancer...

Anyway, Dancing with the Stars…WAKE UP! Put Tara on the show....and tell Kim that if she makes a porn video with somebody relevant next time, then maybe she can be on the show.,2933,399184,00.html

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The WO Poll - August 08

Another month… another poll… or so it goes. The WO Academy has compiled the votes, and the poll is starting to change. Two unranked women shot into the top ten this month, and a few ladies took a nasty dive. The WO Poll still represents the best of the best, so without further ado. It’s not like anyone reads the intro anyway. I don’t even edit it.

1. (1) Kristen Bell – What more is left to be said? The girl is on fire without really doing anything. With The WO Poll Woman of the Year Award all but wrapped up, she really just seems untouchable at this point.

2. (2) Elisha Cuthbert – Once again, Elisha keeps the number two spot on lock down. With only a few points between her and Kristen, we might finally have a contender to steal the top spot.

3. (NR) Mila Kunis - …and we have a shocker. No, we know she’s hot, and will not contest that issue. Mila sneaks out of the bubble, and straight into the number 3 spot. She just happens to be everywhere these days. We eagerly wait to see her in Max Payne. She’ll most likely be the only worthwhile thing about that movie. The WO Propaganda Office feels strongly that Miss Kunis will not be leaving the poll anytime soon.

4. (3) Jennifer Love Hewitt - Yes we still love her, but she needs to make herself more visible in a hurry if she plans on remaining in the top half of the list. We are starting to accept her lack of visibility, and that is truly a shame. When does the new Ghost Whisperer season start? Anyone?

5. (6) Mandy Moore – Mandy wears many faces… music, film, TV and whatever else she can get involved with. Now we’re not really sure what she’s doing these days, but she manages to climb a spot to the top half of the poll. I wish she’d let us know what she has going on; because I assure you… we’d promote the hell out of it.

6. (5) Olivia Munn – Swapping spots with Mandy, Olivia drops a spot. She’s working though, and that means we’ll be seeing a lot of her. There’s no reason to fret over the spot change, especially with the Broken Lizard movie in the works.

7. (4) Katherine Heigl – If anyone fell victim to Mila this month it was Katherine. Buford seems to be tired of watching Knocked Up, and to be honest I don’t blame him. She drops, but still manages to grab a decent amount of votes to stay alive. I’m sure she will remain on the list next month as well.

8. (NR) Eliza Dushku – Unlike Mila, Eliza comes out of nowhere. Not even selected for the bubble last month, she breaks into the top ten like a rocket. It’s not because of her likeness in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 8 (for you fellow comic book geeks out there), but geek TV genius Josh Whedon has a new show called Dollhouse coming out. Yes we are excited. Dushku and Whedon equal something a lot of us will make sure to DVR.

9. (7) Keira Knightley – Last month we proclaimed her the number 7 girl, for holding on to the spot like a vice grip. This month she falls. Maybe we shouldn’t make predictions anymore. A few of us are getting tired of period pieces, and we aren’t ashamed to admit that. She’s going to have to pull off something big to gain some ground next month.

10. (10) Gracyanne Barbosa – Holding on to the number 10 spot is Gracyanne. Maybe our Brazilian expert Speed can post a comment about her, because Brazilian papers look like gibberish to me. One thing that crosses all language barriers is hotness, and she has it.

The Bubble:

There were some changes to the bubble this week. Mila of course sky rocketed into the rankings, while Megan Fox and Blake Lively fell back into the honorable mentions. They join bubble contenders Reby Sky and Vida Guerra. Making their first appearances on the WO Bubble or WO Poll in any form are Kim Kardashian and Dichen Lachman. Now we all know Kardashian for one reason or another, but Dichen Lachman? Remember that name. WO Contributor Train mentioned her while watching Aztec Rex on the Sci-Fi Channel…. Don’t ask. Well it turns out that Miss Lachman is also working on the very same Whedon project as Number 8 Eliza Dushku. Keep an eye out.

Until next time…


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